Awhile ago someone asked me…, ‘Why do you want to get married?? (background: i got married last November to my college classmate, best friend and work and now life partner!!) You both are in a committed relationship… why create waves?? (background 2: well…part of the difficulty was…inter-religion…yes yes…do not groan. It IS an issue to a lot of people!!) Let it ride out for awhile longer and then we’ll discuss it again.‘
That day, I looked into myself again, and examined why I WANTED to get married. I ticked it off in my mind as I sat listening to the person counselling me.
After all, it was true, I was already in a committed relationship. I trusted him implicitly. I loved him dearly. I liked and respected the person he has made of himself, and look forward to the man he is going to be. We were 2 modern, forward-thinking individuals… not bound by most mores and traditions that bound our parents. Yet, here we were, or there I was… looking to get married after all!!
- parental seal of approval?
- societal approval?
- legal recognition?
- peer pressure?
- the rise of the inner traditional??
What was it?? Or was it a combination of it all or some of them??
I was left pondering this at one level, when I was answering other questions at another…
…..that day though, the answer that came to my lips was what I had once (or maybe twice) heard in a movie…Shall we Dance. Susan Sarandon’s character gives this wonderful answer to, ‘Why is it that you think that people get married??….and she says, “We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness’.”
……and yes…I did get married. AS we were from different family backgrounds, religiously, we cobbled together functions from different regions to make our very own wedding. One part of me was juggling finishing the work we had on hand (yes…Design Cafe was working till the very day), getting ready for the wedding, moving my things to our new home slowly, trying to spend time with family that had come down for the functions and so much more…. and yet one part was still wondering why…what was going to change?? why?? why ?? Why???
…………well, the ruminations are going to be left for another day.
The day we were married (the first function was at home- a Tamil-styled Hindu wedding at my parents home that had all the heart of the wonderful traditions I grew up with…without the rites and religion), and after we all finished with lunch…the answer came shining clear to me… nothing had changed…nothing was going to. Well not at the heart of it. We already were a unit. Whatever the reasons were that we did it for… we were exactly where we wanted to be. We just had proclaimed it I guess (for the lack of something more profound!!), and it felt just fine.
And you know the damnedest thing?? So I go and tell all this to my guy and he patiently listens (did I say he lets me chatter at him whenever I need to??- yup he is a sweetheart!! 🙂 ), and then he says, ‘hmmm…well I knew that!’
Damn! What do you do? What can you do huh??
Its a perfect match!!! 🙂
PS: My very dear friend gave me the gift of these lines from Kahlil Gibran for my wedding. In Thanksgiving…I now am going to share it forward…
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.